A dimly lit bar. ANDREW BOGUT is sitting by the taps, four empty pint glasses arrayed before him in no particular pattern. Light pours in momentarily as DRAYMOND GREEN saunters through the door. He spots BOGUT and smiles, which is also a sort of light in the darkness.
BOGUT
Draymond. How're you, mate? Just throwing back some amber fluid before the big game. How "big" of a game is it really though, what with the early returns on the Clippers season being a bit bodgy, especially this mad three-point social experiment from Blake Griffin, that miserable bogan.
DRAYMOND
I'm fine. Coach sent me to find you, said you told him you just had to go to the bathroom.
BOGUT
Yeah, that's true enough, though I meant the one at this bar, even though it smells of freshly made chunder in there. Have a pint mate, it's on me, I'm richer than you after all. Richer than damn near everyone on the squad, really!
DRAYMOND
Thanks.
A BARTENDER, round in the mid-section, but with kind eyes approaches.
BARTENDER
What'll it be?
DRAYMOND
I'll have a Screwdriver.
BARTENDER
Vodka preference?
DRAYMOND
Well, please.
BARTENDER
Coming right up.
The BARTENDER walks off to make the drink. BOGUT and DRAYMOND sit quietly together. BOGUT is lost in his thoughts. The BARTENDER returns with the drink. DRAYMOND tips two dollars.
BOGUT
Heard you switched agents.
DRAYMOND
Yeah. Figured-
BOGUT
Why'd you do that, Draymond? He ear-bashing you?
DRAYMOND
Oh no. I just want to put myself in a good position to-
BOGUT
To what, Dray? Fuck over the team? Destroy what we've been building here?
DRAYMOND
Hell no. You know I'd die for this team.
BOGUT
Heh! Know you'd kill for it, that's true enough. I don't mean to have tall poppy syndrome, mate. You've done bloody well for yourself. Second round pick, impact well beyond the boxscore, fan favorite, all the rotten vegetarians on Twitter love you. You help a squad win a championship. That's why we need you. This squad. You and me and Klay and Steph. The four of us. The rest are expendable shit, well, Iguodala is great, but at the end of the day it's the four of us. Two shooters and two goons. One of us is going to be Finals MVP. You know it, I know it, everyone in the whole world knows it. Even the bloody Kiwis know it, mate.
DRAYMOND
I want to stay with the team, Andrew. You know that.
BOGUT
I know you saw how much money that whacker Klay just got. Don't get me wrong, he's a talented whacker, but he's a whacker nonetheless. You want the brass to know you're worth this money. You want the leverage. Well, let me tell you something, Draymond. Don't forget who you are. You're one of us.
DRAYMOND
I haven't decided anything yet, Andrew. Calm down. Can't we talk about the election or something?
BOGUT
I don't want to talk about the election. I'm not sitting here in the middle of the day in a boozer because this Yank beat that Yank in some state that doesn't matter.
DRAYMOND
So, what are you doing here?
BOGUT
I'm thinking about which quarter I want to punch Blake Griffin in his balls.
DRAYMOND
That is a coincidence. I was also just thinking that. Except which quarter I want to punch him in the balls.
BOGUT
I think it's best we don't both pick the same quarter.
DRAYMOND
I agree.
BOGUT
I think if that ginger boomer tries to posterize me I'll just grab him by the scrote and knock him into the meanest looking cameraman. He'll have to commission a special pair of budgie smugglers after I'm through with him.
DRAYMOND
Okay, so you want to throw him into a mean looking camerman after you grab his balls.
BOGUT
Yup.
DRAYMOND
Which quarter though?
BOGUT
Doesn't matter.
DRAYMOND
I'd like to whisper in his ear "Your parents love Taylor more than you" during the third, probably in the first minute or so, you know, help us get us off to a hot start.
BOGUT
Niiiice.
DRAYMOND
Yeah, I figure I'll start shoving him really hard in the second though.
BOGUT
Draymond, you are a regular bushranger! You remind me of a young me. Except I was the #1 pick. You know that?
DRAYMOND
Damn, Bogey. Of course I knew that! And Marvin Williams went second, Deron Williams went third and-
BOGUT
Chris Paul went fourth. Never trust a man with two first names. Never. Chris Paul...He's a cut snake he is. Meaner that almost anybody that plays the game.
DRAYMOND
Except us.
BOGUT smiles. He raises an empty glass in salute and Draymond clinks his barely touched Screwdriver to it.
BOGUT
That's right, mate. Except us. Now prove it. What's your plan?
DRAYMOND
I'm going to devour the soul of Matt Barnes tonight. And then I will devour the soul of Chris Douglas-Roberts and I will burn his novelty short shorts on a fire I've lit using the body of Reggie Bullock. If Hedo comes at me I will break his thumbs and put a hex upon his offspring.
BOGUT
Their small forward rotation leaves a bit to be desired, don't it? London to a brick they're going nowhere in the post-season without some trade deadline reinforcements.
DRAYMOND
Sometimes you give them a taste of their own blood and it gets in their heads.
BOGUT
Right you are, mate. I already told Festus to wink at DeAndre Jordan every time he catches the ball and if winking doesn't work drool a little bit.
DRAYMOND
Every time who catches the ball? Festus or DJ?
BOGUT
Don't matter. Festus has a little bit of the devil in him, same as us. A few more games to knock the rust off he'll be routinely sending dongers to the never-never.
DRAYMOND
Man, I hear that.
BOGUT
Blake Griffin does not reach the fourth quarter.
DRAYMOND
Blake Griffin does not reach the fourth quarter.
BOGUT
Fourth quarter Steph and Klay clean house. Iguodala and you will shut down Chris Paul. Don't worry about hitting him in his old fella. What must be done must be done.
DRAYMOND
We would have won last year in the playoffs if only you could have been with us, man.
BOGUT
I know, mate.
DRAYMOND
Some people say the Grizzlies and the Clippers are the best rivalry in the NBA.
BOGUT
I want to know what kind of raw uncut heroin those people are snorting and where is it that I can get some. Sure, it's fun watching the Grizzlies treat the Clippers like the technicolor yawn in human form that they are, but seriously, who on the Grizzlies is going to punch Blake Griffin's dick the way we do? Who is going to punch his dick and then convince the world that he actually fouled us? Tony Allen? Zach Randolph? Those blokes are not exactly Crocodile Dundee when it comes to acting.
DRAYMOND
Tonight I will destroy Blake Griffin. Tonight he'll wish he had never made a KIA commercial. Tonight he'll dine in hell.
They toast again. A long pause.
BOGUT
Blake's a pretty nice guy, actually.
DRAYMOND
Yes, I like him alright.
The BARTENDER sighs at that and starts cleaning a beer glass. He thinks of his mother's smile and the long walk back to his apartment. Everything will be okay...if he can just get back home.
warriors by 10
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